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I wish mediocrity were not so politically expedient. My father has always
said, “BS will get a man further in life than talent.” For proof, one need look no further than Marty “Midas”
Meehan, who went along, broke promises, and spent his entire congressional career railing against campaign finance abuses.
Yet, in the end, it can be said that Midas drank more lustily from the poisoned cup of campaign finance than any of his ethically-challenged
colleagues. Which brings me to my next wish:
I wish all lobbying were illegal, especially by foreign governments. Lobbying is just another word for bribery. How can we
have a foreign policy in the best interests of the American people when we allow China, Saudi Arabia, Israel, Japan, and anyone
else to buy into our legislative process?
I wish Congress would take a lesson from Doors’ drummer John Densmore, who refused a $15,000,000 offer from Cadillac
for the rights to use “Break On Through” in the company’s advertising campaign. Densmore says the Doors
music is “not for rent.” (Jim wouldn’t approve) The Doors had more talent, passion, and artistic integrity
than any other rock group- then and now.
I wish U.N. observers were called in to monitor all future public works projects in Haverhill. Then, maybe it wouldn’t
take six years to replace an 800-foot bridge through the center of town.
I wish Howie Carr, AKA “Howie, the Jackal,” avowed Nemesis of immigrants -illegal and otherwise- would find one
good thing to say about one immigrant. Any immigrant will do. The image of Howie in the act of praise is somehow inconceivable,
maybe even surrealistic. Like George Bush dancing the Macarena. Or Dick Cheney reading Allen Ginsberg’s poem, Howl,
in some smoky, waterfront tavern.
I wish the people of the United States would stand against torture, secret detentions and similar abuses for which we condemned
the Nazis at Nuremburg. We are a nation of laws, not of men.
I wish the government would allow a full tax deduction for those who pay their own medical insurance.
I wish so-called conservative columnist, Ann “the Cruel Nun” Coulter would practice civility and restraint, which
are the hallmarks of democracy. Every time the shrewish Coulter speaks, she makes conservatism look more like fascism.
I wish there were an enforced anti-noise ordinance in Haverhill. We shouldn’t have to legislate common sense, respect
and consideration, but we must.
I wish we had National Orgasm Day here as they do in Brazil. The town of Esperantina, whose residents are deeply religious
and conservative, hosts the annual event dedicated to “the health giving benefits of orgasm,” within a committed
relationship of course. Esperantina’s mayor, Felipe Santolia says, "I've seen scientific studies that show when a woman
is unloved, when her husband can bring her to orgasm, it affects all aspects of her life, her relationships with her children,
at home, with the city and at work.” The event features panel discussions by sex therapists on topics like premature
ejaculation. Is America ready for this? We could replace the Super Bowl. More and better orgasms should be a priority for
all nations, but we must proceed with discretion. Like Nixon opening up China in 1972, only a prominent Republican with stature
and gravitas can initiate National Orgasm Day. This is a job for Dick Cheney.
I wish Ron Paul were the Republican presidential candidate, but look for him to be marginalized and excluded from the debate
by any means necessary. Paul is too interesting and forthright. Apparently, I am not the only one who thinks so. A Google
search of his name rendered 48 million hits, while a search for so-called frontrunners Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani rendered
a paltry 2 million hits each. If other Republican candidates look wooden and scripted next to Ron Paul, that’s because
they are all shills in service to the New World Order.
I wish the media would refrain from the childishly naïve practice of referring to those who doubt the “official version”
of 9/11 as “conspiracy theorists.” As if there were never a conspiracy in this country or anyplace else. Polls
repeatedly indicate the vast majority of Americans believe the government covered up the facts of 9/11. The conspiracy belongs
to those who have concocted the lie, not those who perceive it.
I wish the Tribune would stop referring to those who want to vote on gay marriage as “anti-gay.” There’s
nothing anti-gay about letting the people decide. An end run around the democratic process may achieve an important short-term
objective for gay people. On the other hand, winning hearts and minds by persuasion and discourse is the democratic way. In
the words of Thomas Jefferson, “…if we think them (the citizens) not enlightened enough to exercise their control
with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education.
July 2007
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