Mark Palermo

A Checklist for Conservatives

He Was Our S.O.B.
Long Ago Saturday Nights at the Circle 9
The Dark Side of Vaccinations
Wine: Where Ignorance and Pretension Find their Loudest Voice
A 1976 Journey in Search of Self
The Machinery of Mass Dreams
The Outlaw Georgie Bush
Sex Offender Registries Out of Control
Extreme Makeover for Airheads
The Fault Lies not in the Stars, but in Ourselves
Reconsidering George Carlin
If You Think Liberals Are Jerks...
She Couldn't Do Her Chores
Remembering Viktor Frankl
One Day on the Farm-1977
A Fresh Look at Meat
How the Real World Works: A Lesson
30 Bucks for the Human Touch
1929 All Over Again
An Old Man's War, A Young Man's Fight
More Things in Heaven and Earth...
Our Dumbed-down Public Discourse
Bread, But No Roses
Earth's the Right Place for Love
Read This Before Enlisting
Poison Is Good for You: The Fluoridation Scam
Ron Paul:He Makes Too Much Sense
War Is a Racket
Brazil's National Orgasm Day
Calling all Liberals!
Why I Don't Get Flu Shots
What is Community?
Haverhillicus Homocrisicum
If You Wanna Be a Junkie, Why?
Do We Know His Family?
Scam: Youth Sports
A Subsidy for the Human Touch?
How Not to Be Boring
If the Bread and Roses Strike Were NOW
America's Problem with the Body
Columbus Day? or Renaissance Day?
Depleted Uranium Weapons
Mitt Romney: A Clintonian Republican
A Checklist for Conservatives
On Torture and Torturers
Pimp of the Nation
Romney is a Jerk
Hypocrisy and its Champions
The Dumb Society
The Men's Taverns of Yesteryear
On Dittoheads!
Let China Sleep
2004 McDebates
Animal Rights Page
US Wealth Distribution Chart
Public Grief, Private Lives

What does "conservative" really mean? Is the term too broad to have a specific meaning? The Eskimos are said to have a large number of words for "snow." But we have only one word for "conservative." While the term is a useful linguistic shortcut, most people would agree that all conservatives are not the same and that significant differences in belief and attitude coexist underneath the same conservative ideological umbrella.

By taking this examination in the privacy of your own home, you can ascertain your own ranking on a graduated scale of right wing values. To find your score, give yourself 3 points if you strongly agree, 2 points if you somewhat agree, 1 point if you moderately disagree, and no points if you strongly disagree. Add your score and match your numerical ranking to the scale at the bottom.

1. The vegetarian diet, and the in particular the consumption of tofu, exerts a feminizing effect upon young males, which is a factor in the development of homosexuality. Young men need a meat-based diet in order to develop a masculine physique and manly demeanor.

2. Blacks in this country were content until Jews and northern liberals began stirring them up.

3. The homeless are mostly bums who should find jobs.
4. America has not only a right, but a special obligation to impose our standards of liberty, justice and democracy upon the rest of the world.

5. The solitary vice is a pernicious social evil which has gotten completely out of hand since the 1960's. America's youth must vigorously resist the sin of self-abuse, which is a root cause of moral degeneracy, dope addiction, sexual inversion, nearsightedness and nervous tics.

6. I could have gone further in life if others had not prevented me from doing so.

7. All feminists either practice lesbianism or have a latent tendency toward it.

8. You cannot deal with Arabs like reasonable people. The only thing these people understand is force. Arabs have no souls.

9. One of our biggest problems in this country is protesters. Protesting should be outlawed and these people not allowed to disturb our peace. If they don't love America, they should move to Russia.

10. When needed, the police should be allowed to break some heads without liberal lawyers harassing them for doing their jobs.

11. When the Red Sox, Celtics, or any of my favorite teams win a championship, I say,"We won." When they lose, I say, "They lost."

12. The CIA plays an indispensable role in defending our freedom both here and abroad.

13. Too much praise and affection in childhood is a prime cause of today's over-socialized and sissified males. Boys need disciple and order, including corporal punishment. Fathers used to hit kids when necessary, and the kids turned out fine.

14. Howie Carr best expresses my own opinion on immigration. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't listen to his program. I wish all immigrants would just go back where they came from.

15. What we need in this country is more prisons.

16. Without a doubt, America is the greatest country in the world, but I don't know what the second or third greatest country is- and I don't care.

17. We need a president with enough guts to use our nuclear weapons.

18. Torture is a valuable tool in helping us win the war on terror.

19. The main cause of poverty is laziness. If the poor worked harder, they wouldn't be poor.

20. Public breastfeeding is a vulgar, filthy practice that sets a bad example for youth. Women's breasts should be covered at all times in public.

21. What we need in this country is a return to good old fashioned values. We should replace the Constitution with the Bible if necessary.

22. Concern over the Patriot Act is overblown. If you haven't done anything wrong, you have nothing to fear from the authorities.

23. God has blessed America more than any other nation because He loves us more than any other nation.

24. Kids have no fear of parents or teachers nowadays. We should bring back corporal punishment.

25. It is good- and ordained by nature- that the strong have dominion over the feeble-minded, the weak, the dissolute -as well as the inferior breeds, all of whom are incapable of sustaining an ordered, disciplined life.

Here is how to rate yourself:

70 or above- Ann Coulter Fan Club

65-69 National Socialist

60-64 National Socialist (liberal wing)

55-59 friendly Fascist

50-54 dittohead –cheap labor conservative

45-49 chamber of commerce conservative

40-44 rapture-ready conservative

35-40- middle America conservative

30-34 libertarian- free market conservative

25-29 moderate conservative

20-24 socially conscious conservative

Maoist or mere Trotskyite? Campus Stalinist or trade unionist? Coming soon for liberal readers: A simple test to ascertain your ranking within the left’s hierarchy.

September 2007